October 2026 General Conference › Lessons › Elder Paul H. Sinclair › Adults
Helping Hands Before Judging Eyes
From “Quick to Help, Slow to Judge,” by Elder Paul H. Sinclair · Sunday afternoon session, October 2026 General Conference
The big idea
A true disciple of Jesus Christ is quick to help and slow to judge, as the Savior was with the woman at the well.
Objective
Learners will name what the Savior did and did not do at the well, and choose one person they will help this week in place of judging.
Before you teach
- Read Elder Sinclair's talk, Quick to Help, Slow to Judge, and John 4:4–42.
- Bring paper and pens, or ask learners to use a notes app.
- Draw two columns on the board: What the Savior did / What He did not do.
- Mark the key quotes below so you can read them aloud or hand them to a reader.
Lesson plan
Thirty minutes in 5 parts. Times are a guide; let the Spirit and the learners set the pace.
Stuck, and someone helped
- After the prayer, give everyone one quiet minute to write an answer to the first question below. Tell them no one will have to share details.
- Invite learners to turn to a neighbor and share only the second question.
- Take one or two answers from the whole class. Say that today's talk is about being that kind of person for someone else.
- Think of a time you were stuck in a problem, perhaps one you helped create. Who helped you without first making you feel small?
- What did that person's help feel like, and what did it make possible for you?
The baffling buttons
- Retell Elder Sinclair's story in your own words: during a ward Primary program his young friend James, in a new suit, buttoned his right sleeve to the buttonhole on his left lapel and could not get loose. Elder Sinclair grew more and more aggravated and was shaking his head as James was about to go to the pulpit.
- Then tell what happened next: the little girl sitting beside James saw the same thing, wanted to help, and reached up and popped the button out of the buttonhole.
- Ask a learner to read the first key quote (T33.06). Explain that Elder Sinclair said he felt relieved but also humbled, and that he quoted Elder Kearon's phrase “a radical reorientation” to describe what his soul needed.
- Discuss the questions. Keep it honest and light; Elder Sinclair told this story on himself.
- Two people watched the same boy. Why do you think one became irritated and the other moved to help?
- Where do you most often find yourself shaking your head when you could be reaching out a hand?
At the well
- Divide into groups of three or four. Ask each group to read John 4:7–18 and 25–29 and list what the Savior did for the woman and what He chose not to do.
- After five minutes, fill in the two columns on the board from the groups' lists.
- Read the second and third key quotes (T33.08 and T33.11). Add anything the class missed. Point out that Elder Sinclair said the Savior knew absolutely everything about her and still came to offer living water, and that He responded with teaching, not ridicule.
- Read President Chibota's sentence from the aligned quotes and ask the questions below.
- Elder Sinclair said we do not know whether she was widowed, divorced or abandoned, and that these are not the details we need. What changes in us when we admit how little we know of another person's story?
- The Savior was slow to judge and still trusted her with truth. How did He hold both together?
- She came as a pariah and left with a purpose. When has someone looked to your possible and not only your past?
Modern-day wells
- Explain that Elder Sinclair compared the people missionaries find and teach to men and women at modern-day wells: people who may fear judgment but need help. He prayed that when they meet us they will know they have “come home.”
- Read these three generic situations and ask pairs to choose one: a new member arrives late and sits alone at the back; someone returns to church after many years away; a visitor's clothes or manner are not what the ward is used to.
- Ask each pair to answer the two questions below in two minutes, then hear from three pairs. Write their helping-hand ideas on the board.
- Invite the class to read Matthew 7:1–5 on their own later this week as a private check on their own eyes.
- What would judging eyes notice first in this situation?
- What would helping hands do in the first five minutes?
Reorient and act
- Read the invitation from the talk (T33.12) and President Oaks's words that Elder Sinclair quoted: “seek to be holy, like our Savior.”
- Read the fourth key quote (T33.13), Elder Sinclair's testimony of what our small and simple help does.
- Give two silent minutes. Ask each person to write one name and one small thing they will do for that person this week, and one situation where they will choose to be slower to judge.
- Check understanding: ask two volunteers to finish the sentence, A disciple who is quick to help and slow to judge will...
- Tell the class that next week you will open by asking what happened when they showed up on someone's ordinary day. Bear your testimony of the Savior, who offers each of us living water.
Key passages from the talk
“a true disciple of Jesus Christ is quick to help and slow to judge”
“In her ordinary days, she may have endured many judging eyes but few helping hands—until this day.”
“He did not hold her hostage to her history. He trusted her with truth. Jesus Christ reminds us that to help people transform their lives, we must look not only to their past—we must look to their possible.”
“I testify that when we help people, one by one, in our own small and simple ways, rather than judge them, we are preparing the world for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.”
The speaker’s direct invitation
“we are invited to reorient our souls so we may help friends and new members in more Christlike ways”
Scriptures
- John 4:7–18, 25–29 Read in small groups; list what the Savior did for the woman at the well and what He did not do.
- Matthew 7:1–5 Assign as private reading during the week; learners ask what in their own eye needs attention before they look at another's.
- Isaiah 11:6 Optional: read the last phrase after the buttons story and ask what the little girl taught the adult who was watching.
Other voices that agree
“He sees not only who we are but who we can become.”
“seek to be holy, like our Savior”
Three things to remember
- A true disciple of Jesus Christ is quick to help and slow to judge.
- The Savior knew everything about the woman at the well and offered her dignity, truth and living water.
- Small help given one by one prepares the world for the Savior's return.
Ways to act this week
- Choose one friend, new member or returning member and do one small, specific thing for that person before next Sunday.
- When you catch yourself shaking your head at someone this week, stop and ask, What help is needed here?
- At church next Sunday, sit by or greet someone who is alone before you greet your usual friends.
- Read John 4:4–42 at home and pray to see one person's possible.
Suggestions written for this lesson, not the speaker’s words.
Music
- Lord, I Would Follow Thee
- Have I Done Any Good?
Adapting the lesson
- At home or with two or three people: skip the groups, read John 4:7–18 aloud together and make the two lists on one sheet of paper.
- Large class: let neighbors work in pairs where they sit, and take only three or four reports for the board.
- Short on time: tell the buttons story, do the two columns at the well, and go straight to the silent writing.
This lesson is an independent study aid written for this site. It is not an official lesson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Quotations are word for word from the official talk; paragraph numbers count the paragraphs of the talk as published at churchofjesuschrist.org, not counting headings or picture captions. The activities, questions and ideas for acting are suggestions; follow the Spirit and adapt them to those you teach.