Unbutton, Don't Roll Your Eyes
From “Quick to Help, Slow to Judge,” by Elder Paul H. Sinclair · Sunday afternoon session, October 2026 General Conference
The big idea
Followers of Jesus Christ are quick to help and slow to judge; the Savior looks at a person's possible, not only at their past.
Objective
Youth will find in John 4 how the Savior helped without shaming, and pick one real person to help this week in place of judging.
Before you teach
- Read Elder Sinclair's talk and John 4:4–42.
- Ask youth to bring scriptures or have the Gospel Library app ready.
- Bring paper and pens, and a timer (a phone works).
- Write the four situations from the fourth segment on slips of paper, one per slip.
Lesson plan
Thirty minutes in 5 parts. Times are a guide; let the Spirit and the learners set the pace.
One-arm challenge
- As soon as class starts, ask everyone to press their right wrist flat against their left shoulder and keep it there, as if it were buttoned in place.
- Start a 45-second timer. With the free hand only, each person must open to John 4, in print or on a phone, and hold it up.
- Now allow a neighbor to help anyone who is still struggling. Ask the first question below, then tell them today's talk begins with a boy who got stuck just like this.
- When you were stuck, would you rather the person next to you laughed, sighed, or helped?
James and the buttons
- Tell Elder Sinclair's story: during a ward Primary program, a boy named James buttoned the right sleeve of his new suit jacket to the buttonhole on his left lapel and could not get free. He was pleased, then panicked.
- Explain that Elder Sinclair, watching, got more and more aggravated and was shaking his head. The little girl next to James saw the same problem and simply reached up and undid the button.
- Read the first two key quotes (T33.05 and T33.06). Ask the questions. Let them answer honestly; Elder Sinclair told all of general conference that his own first reaction was the wrong one.
- Be honest: when someone does something awkward or foolish, what is your first reflex?
- Why is it sometimes easier to judge than to help?
Well race
- Form teams of three. Give each team paper. Set a four-minute timer: read John 4:7–15 and 25–29 and write every action of the Savior that helped the woman. Most actions found wins.
- Let the winning team read its list. Other teams add anything missed.
- Read the third key quote (T33.11) slowly. Ask teams to circle anything on their lists that matches it.
- Explain gently what Elder Sinclair pointed out: her life had included broken relationships, and we do not know the reasons. He said those are not the details we need. What the Savior focused on was help.
- Ask the questions below.
- The Savior knew everything about her. What does it tell you that He started with a conversation and an offer of living water?
- Does being slow to judge mean pretending nothing matters? What did the Savior do with truth in this story?
- What is the difference between looking at someone's past and looking at their possible?
Judging eyes or helping hands
- Hand each team one slip. Situations: a new person walks into a youth activity knowing no one; a friend who stopped coming to church shows up again; someone's embarrassing mistake is being passed around a group chat; a classmate with a rough reputation asks to join your table.
- Give teams three minutes to plan a 30-second scene that shows only the helping-hands response: what you would say and do in the first minute.
- Have each team act its scene. After each, ask the watchers the first question below.
- Read President Farnes's words from the aligned quotes. Tell them Elder Sinclair prayed that people who meet us would know they have “come home.”
- What exactly did they do that would make that person feel safe?
- Which of these four is hardest for you in real life, and why?
Pick your person
- Read the invitation from the talk (T33.12). Point out that Elder Sinclair named friends and new members in particular.
- Read the fourth key quote (T33.13). Explain that he testified our small, one-by-one help is part of preparing the world for the Savior's return.
- Give two silent minutes. In a phone note or on paper, each youth writes one name and one thing they will do for that person by Wednesday. Nobody has to show it.
- Quick check: go around the room and have each person finish in five words or fewer: Quick to help looks like...
- Tell them you will ask next week for one-sentence reports, with no names. Testify that the Savior treats each of them the way He treated the woman at the well.
Key passages from the talk
“But instead of being aggravated, she wanted to help.”
“a true disciple of Jesus Christ is quick to help and slow to judge”
“He spoke to the woman with dignity, not shame. He earnestly listened to her questions and responded with teaching, not ridicule. He did not hold her hostage to her history. He trusted her with truth.”
“when we help people, one by one, in our own small and simple ways, rather than judge them, we are preparing the world for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ”
The speaker’s direct invitation
“we are invited to reorient our souls so we may help friends and new members in more Christlike ways”
Scriptures
- John 4:7–15, 25–29 Teams race to list every action of the Savior that helped the woman at the well, then compare the list with Elder Sinclair's description.
- Matthew 7:1–5 Challenge youth to read it on their own this week and text one thought to a parent or leader.
- John 13:34–35 Read aloud just before the silent writing; ask how people will be able to tell whose disciples we are.
Other voices that agree
“Let us put compassion into action and minister to the person in front of us.”
“He sees not only who we are but who we can become.”
Three things to remember
- A true disciple of Jesus Christ is quick to help and slow to judge.
- The Savior spoke to the woman at the well with dignity and trusted her with truth.
- I can look at a person's possible, not only at their past.
Ways to act this week
- By Wednesday, do the one thing you wrote down for the person you chose.
- The next time a group chat or conversation turns to mocking someone, say something kind about that person or change the subject.
- At your next class or activity, be the first to talk to someone who is new or sitting alone.
- Read John 4:4–42 and mark every place the Savior helps.
Suggestions written for this lesson, not the speaker’s words.
Music
- Lord, I Would Follow Thee
Adapting the lesson
- At home or with two or three youth: do the well race as one team against the clock, and talk through two of the situations without acting them.
- Large class: run the scenes in two halves of the room at once and have each half choose one scene to show everyone.
- Short on time: do the one-arm challenge, the buttons story, the third key quote with its questions, and the silent writing.
This lesson is an independent study aid written for this site. It is not an official lesson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Quotations are word for word from the official talk; paragraph numbers count the paragraphs of the talk as published at churchofjesuschrist.org, not counting headings or picture captions. The activities, questions and ideas for acting are suggestions; follow the Spirit and adapt them to those you teach.