30-minute lesson · Adults · Relief Society, elders quorum, Sunday School, or home
When Someone You Love Has Stepped Away
From “Love Like Jesus,” by Elder Ronald A. Rasband · Saturday afternoon session, October 2026 General Conference
The big idea
We cannot change the hearts of loved ones who have turned from the Lord, but Jesus Christ can, so we hand Him our despair and keep loving them the way He does.
Objective
Learners will name one burden of worry or guilt for a loved one that they will turn over to Jesus Christ, and choose one way to show that person love this week.
Before you teach
- Read Elder Rasband's talk, especially paragraphs T18.03, T18.08, T18.12 and the three suggestions (T18.23–T18.25).
- Bring a slip of paper and a pen or pencil for each person.
- Write on the board: Love is not ... / Love is ...
- Pray by name for class members who carry this ache. Decide beforehand that no one will be asked to share names or family details.
Lesson plan
Thirty minutes in 6 parts. Times are a guide; let the Spirit and the learners set the pace.
4 min0–4
A name in your heart
- Begin with prayer. Explain that Elder Rasband said his message was for everyone whose heart aches for loved ones who have turned away from the Lord, and that he and Sister Rasband have felt that anguish too.
- Hand out the slips of paper. Invite each person to write, silently and privately, the first name or initials of someone they love and worry about. Tell them no one will see the paper.
- Say that today is not about fixing that person. It is about what the Savior offers to the one holding the paper.
- Sing or read the words of the song Elder Rasband quoted from, Love One Another, if time allows.
5 min4–9
What we have tried
- Read paragraph T18.03 aloud, slowly. Elder Rasband lists what we do in our grief: preach, cajole, argue, demand, lecture, ignore, even send links to conference talks.
- Invite pairs to talk for two minutes about the first question below. Remind them to speak about their own feelings, not about the other person's choices.
- Bring the class back and read the one-sentence paragraph T18.04. Ask the second question and take two or three responses.
Ask
- Without naming anyone, which of the things on Elder Rasband's list do you recognize in yourself, and what did it do to the relationship?
- Why do you think Heavenly Father designed His plan so that everyone must choose for themselves to follow Jesus Christ?
7 min9–16
Whose battle is it?
- Ask everyone to turn to 2 Chronicles 20:15 and read it silently, looking for whose battle it is. Elder Rasband called this verse the answer.
- Have a class member read the first key quote and the invitation from paragraph T18.08 aloud. Point out that the speaker asked us to listen carefully before he gave it.
- Discuss the questions below. Let silence do its work; these questions deserve time.
- Read President Oaks's words from the aligned quotes: the Lord is still pursuing the person on their slip of paper.
- Give one quiet minute. Invite learners to write under the name on their paper one specific worry, regret or what-if they want to turn over to the Savior.
Ask
- What is the difference between turning our despair over to Jesus Christ and giving up on someone?
- Elder Rasband taught that our loved ones are foremost children of our Father in Heaven, who loves them even more than we do. How does that change the way you carry this?
- When have you felt the Savior carry a burden for someone you love that you could not carry?
7 min16–23
What love is, and is not
- Divide into groups of three or four. Ask each group to read paragraph T18.12 and Luke 15:20 together and fill in the two columns on the board: what love is not, and what love is.
- Invite a spokesperson from each group to add one line to the board. Notice together that love does not mean stepping back, and it does not mean approving of every decision.
- Read President Monson's sentence from the aligned quotes. Ask the first question below.
- Briefly recall Alma the Younger as Elder Rasband told it: his father prayed with much faith, an angel said those prayers were heard, and the young man remembered his father's teaching about Jesus Christ and was filled with joy. Ask the second question.
Ask
- Think of your next conversation with the person on your paper. What would it look like to put the person ahead of the problem?
- Elder Rasband said the prodigal son came back because of love, and that he knew where to find it. What helps a person know that our home and our hearts are a place to come back to?
5 min23–28
Three suggestions for finding rest
- Write Elder Rasband's three suggestions on the board in a few words each: let go of guilt and never give up; love the person more than the problem; remember Jesus Christ is the answer, seek Him and pray mightily.
- Ask learners to read Matthew 11:28–29 silently and mark what the Savior asks of us and what He promises.
- Invite each person to choose the one suggestion they most need and write on the back of their paper one thing they will do about it before next Sunday.
- Check for understanding: ask two or three volunteers to finish this sentence in their own words, without names: This week, loving like Jesus will mean that I ...
Ask
- Which of the three suggestions is hardest for you right now, and why?
2 min28–30
An apostle's promise
- Read Elder Rasband's promise in paragraph T18.26: when the storm pulls loved ones off course, it will have no power to drag us down if the rock we are built on is Jesus Christ.
- Bear your own brief testimony that the Savior knows and loves the people on those slips of paper.
- Invite learners to keep the paper in their scriptures and to pray by name for that person each day. Tell them you will begin next week by asking what they noticed as they turned their worry over to the Lord.
Key passages from the talk
“We cannot change their hearts, but He can; He is a God of miracles.”
Elder Rasband’s talk, paragraph 8
“Love is not stepping back or sanctioning others’ decisions and actions. Love is being interested in their lives, their successes, and their challenges. Love is being there with arms outstretched and a cheerful countenance.”
Elder Rasband’s talk, paragraph 12
“We fail only when we give up and stop trying, so never, never give up on those you love.”
Elder Rasband’s talk, paragraph 23
“By the power of Jesus Christ’s Atonement, there is always a way back!”
Elder Rasband’s talk, paragraph 8
The speaker’s direct invitation
“I ask you to turn over to Jesus Christ your despair for those wayward souls.”
Elder Rasband’s talk, paragraph 8
Scriptures
- 2 Chronicles 20:15 Read silently at the start of the third segment; look for whose battle it is, then connect it to the invitation to turn our despair over to Jesus Christ.
- Luke 15:20 Read in small groups with paragraph T18.12; list what the father did when he saw his son and add it to the Love is column on the board.
- Matthew 11:28–29 Read silently in the fifth segment; mark what the Savior asks of us and what He promises to those who are heavy laden.
- Mosiah 27:14 Optional for a longer class: read aloud and ask what this verse teaches a parent, friend or leader who has prayed for a long time.
Other voices that agree
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
President Thomas S. Monson, quoted in this talk (paragraph 24)
“He is relentless in His loving pursuit of each of you.”
President Oaks · The Gospel of Jesus Christ Is for All, paragraph 7
Three things to remember
- I cannot change another person's heart, but Jesus Christ can.
- Love is neither stepping back nor approving every choice; it is staying interested, staying near and staying hopeful.
- I fail only if I give up, so I will keep loving and keep praying.
Ways to act this week
- Each day this week, pray by name for the person on your paper, and in that prayer tell Heavenly Father the specific worry you are handing to the Savior.
- Reach out once to that person with no agenda at all: ask about something that matters to them and simply listen.
- The next time guilt or a what-if keeps you awake, read Matthew 11:28–29 and say aloud that you trust the Savior with this.
- Before a hard conversation, pause and ask yourself whether you are about to put the problem ahead of the person.
Suggestions written for this lesson, not the speaker’s words.
Music
- Love One Another
- Come unto Jesus
Adapting the lesson
- At home with a spouse or a few adults: skip the groups, read paragraphs T18.08 and T18.12 together, and end by kneeling to pray by name for the person you are both thinking of.
- Large class: do every discussion in pairs or threes first, then take only two comments from the whole room so everyone talks and you still finish.
- Only 15 minutes: do the slip of paper, the third segment on 2 Chronicles 20:15 and paragraph T18.08, and the promise at the end.
This lesson is an independent study aid written for this site. It is not an official lesson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Quotations are word for word from the official talk; paragraph numbers count the paragraphs of the talk as published at churchofjesuschrist.org, not counting headings or picture captions. The activities, questions and ideas for acting are suggestions; follow the Spirit and adapt them to those you teach.